Social Services take a lot of crap in the UK for their failures, some of which have been awful over the years but until now I have had nothing to do with them. In fact I still dont, but it seems they have something to do with me, they just forgot to tell me. Didnt they do well..........
For the last 5 years my 7 year old daughter has been heading off every fortnight for a day with her father, who I am no longer with. Things have been erratic and unreliable with no hint of any child support from him but I carry it on for her sake, because regardless of his flaws, she loves her Daddy and I am supportive of that. The last 2 years have been better, he has a new partner with several children and now they also have a child of their own, things seemed quite stable and I was happy to let her go. Seems I was wrong, but nobody thought to tell me and I am FUMING!
I think Im still in shock actually as I found out yesterday that I have been sending my daughter into danger on a regular basis without a clue. I received a phone call last night, from the new girlfriend who thought now would be an appropriate time to fill me in. It seems for the last year he has been having erratic and violent outbursts. They have tried to do the right thing and have sought help from the mental health services but had no luck. It seems that things have become so out of control that she tried to stab him :-/ Social Services have been monitoring the situation and have decided that he is a danger to the children he lives with, they have enforced that he is no longer allowed to live with them and if he tries to do so the children will be removed into care. They are aware that my daughter visits on the weekend but dont seem to think that I need to be informed of any of this stuff. OMG!!!! If the girlfriend hadnt called me yesterday he could of phoned me and picked up my little angel at any time, if he is as unstable as the action taken implies anything could of happened.
I am truly grateful that the girlfriend picked up the phone and called me even though her intentions were slightly twisted. She thinks he is fine and has no problem with him being there, she was phoning to fill me in on how out of order she thinks Social Services are (and probably because she knew his not being there would get back to me in the end) she even wanted me to continue to let my litte'un see him. Of course I put her straight on that immediately, but how come Social Services havent made the effort to contact me? She tells me they know our details but still they are willing to let me blindly send my daughter to this man when he isnt allowed to see his other children without supervision at a family centre.
I think the whole situation is just unbelievable. Social Services should protect all children who may be put at risk from a person, to know a man is a danger and continue to let one child be alone in his care but protect the others is ridiculous.
So now I begin a long trawl of advice from authorities, trying to get answers from Social Services, trying to find the loop we slipped through and sewing it up so it doesnt happen to other people, making up excuses as to why he wont be coming and more sleepless nights as I lay awake and imagine what could of happened to my lovely little girl when I stupidly sent her off into danger with a hug and a wave..........
The reason behind this will be simple - as any other liberal society and the basics of not interfering with personal rights unless really necessary. The case the SS are dealing with is related to your ex and children sharing the household with him at the time; unfortunately you, respective Boo, are different "unit" and they don't have the authority to interfere/inform you about the conditions of other people. Or someone muffed up on SS and just didn't tell you.
ReplyDeleteThat aside, don't beat yourself about sending Boo to him; you did what any good mother would do - tried to support the healthiest relationship Boo can has with her father; there is no way you could've known that.
Unfortunately you're in a pickle right now and I do hope SS resolves it quickly; you simply cannot not give Boo to him if some agreement states he should have her and as much as you don't want to put her in harms way it might end up being a problem for you, ending by SS interfering in a bad way and whatnot.
I see what you are saying about personal rights etc and you may be right there, no doubt I will find out soon.
ReplyDeleteFortunately there is no official agreement between us for him to see her as I have never refused to let him and he has never had to take me to the courts to make arrangements. Over the years in fact I have spent more time trying to convince him to actually turn up for her, which he has done as and when it suited him.
In the current situation it seems I have every right not to let her go if I have reasonable concerns for her safety which obviously I do so for now that is how things will be.
The whole thing makes me sad if Im honest but I will just do what I always do and continue to put my daughter first. All I can hope is that what has happened enables him to get the help he obviously needs so we can all get on with our lives.